From the Thorns of Roses

Love.

It's such a hard thing. To truly love someone is to enter into a most vulnerable estate; inviting terrible danger. But I have been to the place of isolation, and I have hidden behind its tall, brick walls. To truly know love is a risk worth taking. A risk that I wish I would take more often, fore "if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1)

A sister of mine wrote this poem and I thought it was pretty spectacular. It's called Little Baby Rose Blossom:

Light as a feather, only bound together. By the twine of hope.

Desired only by one and ones self. But whose counting? To breathe the breath you breathe would it change  me?

Beautiful is only something acquired by the true. If tonight would be my night how would I spend it, what would you do?

Little black book you have deceived me again. Wonders and thoughts could be my only friends. Imagination courses though our being.

If only sleeps could dream. Darkness would shed away. Light would pierce the moon. Sadly I've grown to know you.

Carry my dying sight. Break through my triumphant scene. You know me better than that. I know you better than all. So go ahead stumble before, I can stand to watch you crawl.

Aching down to the pit of my depth. You've seen a shadow, burnt with nothing left. Beat through my veins. Reality through my being.

You'd never know would you? If that throat stopped beating. Sanity brings bravery crashing through. Compared to seeing through you. Try me again.

Roses always bloom. Find love in a crowd when its standing in a room.

Carry on through my weakness. Cover the tracks. Paint on the face of normal and society will clap. Shine through me. Bring hunger to an end.

Design your story. Write that, that you know.

Watch a baby rose grow.

Blood on the thorns.

Danger brings some thing new.

Please baby rose bloom.

Getting Back to Basics

Faith.

Since my return to the Honor Academy from Christmas break, God has really been pushing the subject of faith. A life based on works had been a weight too heavy for me to carry any more. Thankfully grace came along side me to help lighten the load. Grace through faith that is.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

I sort of always thought of faith as a gift. My Sunday school class spent nearly an entire year studying the subject of faith, and yet, by the end of that year there was not a single person in the entire class who felt any more competent. Faith is a hard subject to grasp, and yet, it is the very foundation of which our Christianity stands upon. Did I mention that it is also free? Not only is it free, but since the day we are born we already have it! It is only a matter of what we place our faith in.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:2-4

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6

And this is what I learned about faith these couple of weeks. Not only do I not have to live my life based on my own performance, but by grace working through faith; not only is faith something I have to obtain, but it is the free gift of God that I had all along; and not only does my faith allow me to have joy through all things, but this free gift of God allows me to also please Him. Wow. How great is our God? How great is His love for His children? And until recently I thought I had learned all that I was supposed to learn about faith in this season. But God had more to share.

So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. James 2:17

My faith means nothing if I do not put it to work. And right now I'm in that place, waiting to see where God wants me to go and what He wants me to do. But I'm willing

God uses stories

Hello. My name is Leonard Lowe. It has been explained to me that I've been away for quite some time.I'm back.
-Leonard Lowe/Awakenings

I had recently watched a movie labeled Awakenings starring Robert De Niro as Leonard Lowe, a catatonic patient, and Robin Williams as the kind Dr. Sayer's who is trying to cure him. It was a great story about the value of life, and a reminder that the simple things can be the most important things. I was also reminded of the great importance stories have in peoples lives; how easily we are moved by them. A life lived well is a life worth sharing. Awakenings was based on the true story of Dr. Malcolm Sayers who discovers a chemical cure that briefly awakens catatonic patients from their comatose states. Leonard Lowe is the first patient to receive this treatment and to prove its awakening qualities. Unfortunately, the drug does not last forever and Mr. Lowe ends up returning to his formal catatonic state. The journey, however, is unforgettable. It was amazing to see Leonard's zest for life once he had a taste of it, and how much joy he got out of the little things.

We are blessed.

And I am so grateful for stories to remind us of these truths. I am grateful for our own awakenings. God is not very interested in sleeping people (just ask Peter and John), and God knows exactly what it will take to wake us up. We are born into this world comatose; alive, but not really. When we are awakened by God though, and given our Spiritual pulse, we truly become alive. Ours eyes are opened to the value of life eternal and the joy we have in Christ Jesus our Lord. We start to enjoy the simple things again.

What we do know is that, as the chemical window closed, another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug - and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten - the simplest things. 

- Dr. Malcolm Sayer/Awakenings

Thank you God for waking me up like you did, and providing the hope that brings me joy. Thank you that when I sometimes fall asleep again to the important things in this life, that you are there to wake me up again. Thank you that I am free.

Thinking too much again

I kind of just want to disappear from the world.

Well, the social networking world that is. I don't particularly take a lot of joy wasting my time on the computer day after day. It almost makes me sick, but the idea of having no facebook or blogger gives me a kind of giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach. The aroma of freedom. Freedom to spend this time on what matters, like Jesus.

Then I hear another voice. A voice that says to do everything to the glory of God. A voice that says that I have something to say; something to say about God.

Hmmm, I don't know. I will pray about. Pray for me as well if you read this!

Thanks

Mmmmm......New, and I love it.

Sometimes you just wake up one night. You just wake up.

You look around to find yourself in a very familiar, yet slightly unfamiliar place. You ask yourself a lot of questions like, "Where am I? Who made that?" Lights, grass, and hand prints painted purple on to the cement.

You can run, jump, play. Move. Good. What else can you do? Are there others? What are they like and what can they do?

For a long time you are just looking, trying, watching. Unbiased; just observing and testing. Sooner or later you come to certain conclusions about things, but still always learning. Then the most important question comes up: What is my role here? What am I "supposed" to do?

Why do we ask that? For some reason, we fill drawn to a purpose. We have some sense of destiny that goes beyond the fear of survival. Wonder. Mystery. Like we are trying to find something, and oh, the thrill of discovery! What's making that noise in the bushes? What are those bright lights in the night sky? What are they like? What's their purpose? There's that "p" word again.

I'm yearning but I don't know why. But what I yearn for has to make sense or else it won't satisfy. Logic and reason are important to the discovering process, but even logic becomes tiresome. I want truth, but it has to be beyond me. As soon as I awoken to this world, I knew at least one of my roles was to be a learner and a seeker. Something in me just wants to watch and find, and I cannot stop this process. It would kill me. I wont become so wrapped up in busy work that I stop watching. I wont let myself die like that. So what I yearn for cannot run out or be completely attained. There must always be more.

I can't be alone either. I need someone leading me on, standing beside me, and watching my back. It's an unsure, lonely, and dangerous world I've awoken to. I need somebody.

So this is my quest. This is the journey that I call my life. Wait! Actually I forgot something.

Morality. Good and evil/right and wrong is an intrinsic concept. This is not something I'm learning about but is already inside of me. I am learning however to live by the rules of this concept though. It is surprisingly hard to do right and good all the time. I want to do what I ought not to do, but I also don't. Like there is a war inside me, two dogs fighting over the same bone. How interesting? I wonder what that's all about?

So THIS is my quest. THIS is the journey that I call my life. And it will never end, even when I die. No, I will just start a new journey.

I will just wake up one night. Just wake up.

A 'New' Worth Celebrating About

Fear. 

It strikes me, more harshly than any emotion. I have yet to know it's purpose. Why God? Why couldn't you have made me a braver man? Wouldn't a braver man be of more use to you? 

I fear lots of things, but God I fear You most. I fear Your judgement, the pointing finger, that when You look down on me from Your place of glory, all You see is another disappointment. How appropriate it is then, that in my despair You would bring me to this word:

"He is not a mere mortal like me that I might answer him, that we might confront each other in court. If only there were someone to mediate between us, someone to remove God's rod from me, so that his terror would frighten me no more. Then I would speak up without fear of him, but as it now stands with me, I cannot."

Job 9:32-35

Jesus Christ.

Jesus became that mediator between me and God. I am saved, and my Savior speaks on my behalf day and night. I am spared. I have hope. I need not fear, for His love has set me free from it. Jesus Christ. 

Though I do fear, God would not want a braver man. His love and power proves greater because of my fear. God wants to use me just as I am. Words cannot express how much that comforts me. Brings me joy. Brings me peace. Oh, how wide, how deep, how high, and how long is the Father's love for me? 

What a grand new year this will be.